Scars That Make Us Stronger
by lossehelin
Summary: After an incident in highschool, Kenshin and Kaoru have not spoken for seven years. Coming back to his hometown, alone and intent on apologizing for past wrongs, Kenshin might find things have changed in ways he would never have expected.


Well, here we go again. Only this time… it is totally uncut, unpolished, unedited, rough and straight out of my head just for your enjoyment… or rather mine. XD I have tapped this out within the space of three days, not consecutive however, and because of my wish to just get it out of my thoughts I did not take the time to make it smooth and transitional in such fanatic detail as I have tried to do with any of my other stories. So I will ask for your forgiveness as well as patience… but also I thought it might be enlightening for my readers to see how much of a difference there is between me just spilling out anything without thinking and me actually thinking through each and every sentence and word and dialogue and… everything else. Hehehehe. Might be fun… who knows.

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters… only the ideas that force me to write about them.

x

"I hope you know, I hope you know

That this has nothing to do with you.

It's personal, myself and I

We've got some straightenin' out to do.

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've got to get a move on with my life.

It's time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry."

_Big Girls Don't Cry - _Fergie

x

**Scars That Make Us Stronger**

Sano stared angrily across the room at the wall of his house, his fists clenched, his jaw tight. Sitting next to his chair was the phone, its innocent form the bearer of much news. News that did not sit well with the man.

_Does he truly think that he can just come back after so many years? After everything that has happened? After all that he did?_

It had been seven years now, since they had all graduated from high school, and yet Sano remembered those days like they had been seconds ago. With Misao chasing after their stoic Aoshi; Megumi with her sly humor and wicked wits, teasing him with her words and the flip of her hair; and Kaoru… shyly casting heartfelt looks at his best friend, her stubborn nature not allowing her to be anything but herself when she knew he was looking. Everyone had been so sure they would end up together, their own friendship strong, their bond close. Of course, those thoughts had been premature. Now that they were all well into adulthood, Sano knew the difference between romantic thoughts and reality.

Hell, he had learned that one first hand, the little fox he had chased for all of his schooling years proving to be just as slippery as her nickname suggested. When all was said and done, she had left him behind as well. Her career more important than the bantering they shared. More stable, too, apparently. _"And what would happen between us, really, Sanosuke? I couldn't come home and clean and cook and take care of any children we would have as well as work to pay for our bills. I can't… I just can't depend on you to able to help with any of that, and I could not be that unselfish. You need to learn responsibility before you could ever be in a serious relationship."_

He had lost her, because he had been too immature to realize that a woman needed more than just the promise of love. They needed reliability and stability and someone that could take care of their own as well as take care of them when they needed. He had learned that, and he had made it his own. In the process he had learned that the love he thought they had shared had faded from his heart as well. It had been a naïve notion to begin with, a childish want.

This he believed was what had driven Kaoru on as well, a naïve love that she held for a man that did not deserve it. For Kenshin had certainly proven that there was nothing more than friendship between them when he had met his wife for the first time. Tomoe had been a beauty, there was no denying that, and on her first day at their school, a new transfer student, she had stolen more than a few hearts. But it was the heart of a red-headed boy that she had strived after. The one that already held the heart of another and smashed without thought at the promise of something more desirable.

Not that Sano believed Kenshin ever truly knew Kaoru had loved him with her girlish heart. They had been friends since childhood, and Sano knew that Kenshin believed there could be nothing more. For he had not seen the look of despair on her face when he had first asked out the new girl. He had not seen the slow closure of her social life into solitude. He had not seen the first time she had hurt herself.

It had only been a couple of years since her full recovery, and her doctors said it would still be a struggle. She needed to be watched carefully for signs of backsliding so that they could intervene immediately. Sano thought she was doing so well though. Her confidence in herself was strengthening, her demeanor holding much of her original personality. She was finally finding herself and her place in this life and he also knew that she had given up on that childishly romantic dream of what novels say love is. She had grown so much and had gained her independence. But still… she was not that far into her recovery. Something of this magnitude could possibly unbalance her.

_He has not contacted any of us for these long seven years and he suddenly just expects us all to welcome him back with open arms. He may have been my best friend all those years ago, but not anymore._

x

Kenshin stepped off the plane, his carry on bag slung over one shoulder, his eyes searching along the line of people for a familiar face. Not finding his tall friend to be in the immediate vicinity, he walked further around to the carousel to pick up the rest of his luggage, his baggage small and quickly packed.

The trip had been last minute, after dwelling on thoughts of his home town of Sendai for many months. Here he had been born, raised and where he had gone to school. Where he had made friends and had met his wife… more importantly though… this was where he had vowed never to come back to. Because this was where Kaoru lived.

Kaoru had become fast friends with him and Sano in first grade, her attitude and tomboyish nature making her the best of playmates. In their first fight with a few other kids, their relationship had solidified. Especially when she had beat up one of them and came over to help him out with another. After that, they were inseparable, the three of them. Soon after Aoshi had arrived, his quiet demeanor countered by his unwavering loyalty to his friends, his advice worth waiting for.

Then Misao had worked her way in, Kaoru dragging her along with enthusiasm for the rest of them to met. She had attached herself to Aoshi almost immediately, but had proven her worth by being the sneakiest kid in school, helping them get out of scraps many of times.

It had not been until middle school that they had adopted Megumi to their little gang however. Her snobbish nature hard to bypass, making her one of the popular kids that they did not associate with. It wasn't until an incident with a high school kid trying to push moves onto her that she even acknowledged that they were worth anything. Sano, being only fourteen at the time, stepped in and beat up the older kid, leaving him for the teachers to find later while he walked Megumi to the principal's office. She had cried, he had comforted her (horribly) and she had been a little hell hound ever since. If anyone even said one bad thing towards any of them she would practically chew their ear off. One such occurrence leading to a black eye that will forever be remembered in a school yearbook.

High school had been hard on their group, for with the coming of adulthood they had several issues to work out. Not only preparing themselves for life outside of school with their careers, but also with that little bud of emotion that grows within an adolescent's heart and forces them to strive towards winning over another of the opposite sex. Misao with Aoshi; Sano with Megumi; and him… well he had been too shy. Too worried that the other would not return such advances. Too afraid that his heart would be broken if he revealed it. And on that day, the last day of their summer vacation, he had given up on it altogether. Kaoru did not love him like he had wanted her to. If she had… she would not have lied to him.

That day had been long, filled with anticipation and anxiety. With excitement and nervousness. Because the night before… they had shared something that only people in love share with one another. At least that was what he had believed. Still, he had given her a piece of himself, and she had given a piece back. A beautiful gift that he would treasure forever. Shivering on the edge of a relationship he had longed for since middle school, he had called her, all the terror and hope of adolescence shaking in his voice.

"_Kaoru… uh…" A nervous laugh escaped his throat and he winced. "So, that was some party Sano threw last night." Another wince. _Baka. Baka. Baka.

"_Uh… yeah, you could say that." Her own nervous laughter rang through the receiver and his eyes lit with hope._

"_So, does your head hurt as bad as mine?" _Ok, try for normal, you don't want to freak her out or anything. Bring it up slowly.

"_Oh… uh…" Her laugh came more strained, her voice slightly reluctant. "Yeah, it's been killing me all morning. I… I guess I drank too much, huh?"_

"_You think so?" Something in her voice alerted him, making him wary. If she drank so much… would she have even realized what she had been doing?_

"_Probably… I… can't really remember a lot of yesterday. Did… did I do anything bad, Kenshin?"_

If he had listened more carefully, he would have heard vulnerability in her voice… but at that point in time, he had only heard denial. She was denying what they had done. Denying that they had shared anything special. Denying him.

_Swallowing with difficulty, he actually felt anger swell in his chest for her. "There was nothing then?"_

"_W-what are you talking about Kenshin? There was nothing of what?" Her voice was pulling higher, her breath trembling._

"_You don't remember anything?" He felt tears gather in the back of his throat but overrode them with anger, not wanting his hurt feelings to give him away. _

"_Kenshin…"_

"_Nothing happened Kaoru… sorry I bothered you." Slamming the phone down, he sat there and shook, his chest heaving as he fought his tears with rage. She was ashamed of what they had done and was now denying it so that she would not have to face the issue. She did not want anything more from him, and now he had probably ruined their friendship._

Sighing Kenshin sat down in a cushioned chair at the airport, piling his luggage on the seat next to him and staring out the large glass windows at the buses and passing vehicles. Women and men, children, old couples, friends, were all greeting their travelers with open smiles and warm embraces, happy to have them back in their company. There was nothing like that for him here. His father had practically disowned him the moment he had brought Tomoe home. Smiling sadly, Kenshin looked down to his lap, his fingers caressing the indention of a missing ring on his left hand. His father had not approved of the pristine and sophisticated woman she was. He had only and would only ever approve of Kaoru. Hell, that man did not even come to his wedding.

Though it made little difference now. Not with his divorce being pushed through.

Tomoe had been a wonderful woman. She was beautiful, smart, demur; a real lady like he had never seen before and still could not get over. That first time he had seen her, he remembered feeling his heart jump, slightly fearful as she turned her deep black eyes on him. At that point in his life, he had been hurting still over his screw up with Kaoru, wishing with everything that he was that their conversation had been different, that he had handled it differently and that she had responded differently. Because of his lost emotions and drowning heart, he had latched onto Tomoe's advances, the comfort he found in her soft voice. Soon, he figured she had replaced the piece of Kaoru he had kept inside, fixing his broken feelings of love. Knowing Kaoru did not want him like he had wanted her, he knew that he would have to move on with his life. Because she would be moving on with hers. There had been no doubt in his mind.

Happiness seemed to have come back to him for a short time, his free moments spent with Tomoe working to help him push aside his feelings for Kaoru. However, it was only two short months into their relationship when he was confronted by Kaoru for the first time since their phone conversation. As friendly as they made themselves seem for others, they had never talked face to face, alone, after that. And out of everything he thought she would say, he never would have dreamed she would confess to lying to him. Confess to loving him.

_She looked horrible almost, the darkness under her eyes something he had not noticed because they had not been so close for a long time. Her weight seemed to be off as well. She always wore baggy clothing but they seemed so much looser on her now, and her cheeks were slightly sunken in. Fearful for her health first, he placed a hand on her shoulder, their own history forgotten in the face of danger._

"_Kaoru, are you alright? You don't look like you're feeling well."_

_She shook off his hand, backing up a step. "I-I'm fine Kenshin… I just… I need to talk to you."_

"_About what?"_

_Twisting her hands fretfully, she stared at the ground, darting her eyes to him anxiously. "Kenshin… I…" She stopped, clearing her throat of its cobwebs. "I need to talk to you." There were tears present in her voice this time, her Adam's apple working to keep them down._

"_Ok, Kaoru, what is it? I'm here for you."_

"_Kenshin…" She looked up when his hand cupped under her chin, one finger catching a lone tear drop. His eyes were full of worry, and his touch made her tremble. "I lied to you." This time his brows drew together, his eyes turning inward. "About that day. I remember everything, Kenshin." His face fell, his hand dropping from her skin. She shook harder at his withdraw, her own hand jerking as if to snatch his back._

"_What are you talking about?"_

_His own denial made a sob work free of her throat. "Kenshin… don't do that. I'm sorry… I'm really sorry. I was afraid… I didn't think…"_

"_Think what? That I needed to hear the truth! Don't worry, I've known the truth for awhile now, Kaoru."_

"_Y-you do?" Hope filled her eyes and she looked to him in shock. _

"_Of course I do. I knew you were lying. I could tell by the sound of your voice. The only thing I don't understand is why you let it happen if you didn't care for me." His eyes were hard as they looked back at her, and she took a step forward in earnest, a need to make him understand swelling within her._

"_But I did care for you… I do, Kenshin… I…"_

"_But not enough to tell me the truth?" He was yelling at her now, and she flinched back, her hands flexing. The action alone was enough of a warning to show she was not acting normally, but he missed that sign from her as well. The Kaoru before would have punched him and then made him listen._

"_You don't understand! I was afraid!"_

"_Afraid of what? You can't seriously tell me that you were afraid of me."_

"_But I was!" Desperation was fully upon her now and she fisted her hands in his shirt. "I was afraid you wouldn't love me! I was afraid you would be the one who was ashamed. That you would want nothing more than friendship. I was afraid that if you knew that I remembered you would no longer want to be near me." As he relaxed and his face showed his shock she shook him slightly. "Kenshin… I love you. I've always loved you."_

_As she spoke the words he had longed to hear, his heart felt a pang of regret instead of elation. "Why are you doing this now, Kaoru? Why?"_

"_I… wanted you to know, Kenshin. I can't keep it to myself any longer." Her lips quivered and her eyes swelled with tears; hope and longing plain in their depths._

"_But… Kaoru I…"_

_It was her turn to withdraw from him, her arms hanging loosely at her sides, her head lowering into her chest. "It's Tomoe, isn't it? You… love her now… don't you?" Tears dripped off her nose, her chest constricting her words._

_His mouth worked soundlessly, so many thoughts passing through his head. Tomoe was so gentle and Kaoru was… Kaoru was so strong and everything that he had ever wanted… but… if he left Tomoe now… "Yes… yes I do. Kaoru…" She backed further away, her arms crossing over her chest, and he vaguely noticed the pucker of her shirt as her arms tightened._

"_Then… I guess we can't be friends anymore either, can we?"_

"_I…" _

"_It's ok Kenshin." She took a deep breath to steady herself, her lips trying to smile to reassure him, but it did nothing to stop the flow of tears. "She is beautiful. I hope that she treats you well." Her eyes darted to him one last time, then she turned away. "Goodbye… Kenshin."_

Kenshin ran a hand through his hair, his next breath shaky. He had not talked to Kaoru since then, but he had seen her in classes, and what he had seen had not reassured him that his decision had been correct. However, every time he had seen Tomoe and she had smiled for him, he had known that Tomoe would have broken harder. She was not strong like Kaoru was strong. So in a desperate attempt to justify his decision further, he had put his whole being into making himself love her. And when Kaoru went into the hospital in the middle of winter, he gladly let his mind think that it was her illness that had caused her appearance and not his denial. Especially when she came back to school looking healthier and more cheerful than he had seen her all year.

But now…

Kenshin looked up when a pair of slacks filled his view, the tall length of his best friend, Sagara Sanosuke, standing before him. Smiling readily, he stood up and greeted him.

"Sano! It's good to see you."

The look he received back was less than inviting, and Kenshin's smile faltered.

"What are you doing here, Kenshin?" The question was blunt and straightforward, like the man always was, but somehow there was a little more menace in the sentence than he had expected.

"Do I need to have a reason to wish to visit my hometown?" Carefully voicing the question back, he looked at him warily.

"After all this time? Hell yeah you do." Large arms crossed over a white dress shirt, the top button undone and sleeves rolled to the elbow.

Clearing his throat, Kenshin looked away out the window. "I wanted to see everyone again." His voice was small, the words ringing true.

"I doubt everyone is going to want to see you." Truth resounding in his words as well, Sano reached over and snatched up his luggage. "But let's get going. The sooner you see everyone the sooner you can leave." Stalking away without looking back, Sano's lanky form rigidly made its way through the other people in the airport. Suddenly downhearted, Kenshin followed after.

In the man's car, everything was quiet, the drive into town a good thirty minutes, depending on traffic. Staring out the window, Kenshin felt sorrow at the obvious loss of friendship with this man he had known his entire life. _It must be just as bad with everyone else. But… there is nothing else I can do but try and make this right._ Looking back towards Sano, he cleared his throat and tried to strike up conversation.

"So… I've never seen you in a suit before, Sano. Did Megumi-san make you wear it?"

"I haven't seen that fox in six years."

"Oh." Biting his tongue, he wondered at the droll way the other had spoken. "You must have just gotten off work then?" Teasing again, knowing Sano had never liked work, especially one that would require such an appearance, his brow lifted when the man answered him a second time.

"Yes, I did. I was just getting home when I got your phone call."

"Really? Where do you work?"

"I'm a lawyer."

Kenshin's eyes widened, and he nearly choked. "Nani? But… you hate lawyers."

Dark mahogany irises turned to him, a menace in them that halfway frightened the red-headed man. "Necessity sometimes forces us down paths we do not especially like."

A horrible thought crossed Kenshin's mind and he shifted in his seat so that he was facing Sano more head on. "Is one of the others in some kind of trouble?"

"I don't really see how that is any of your business." His voice had dropped an octave, a protective undertone rumbling his vocal cords. Kenshin could only stare back, wanting to protest but unable to think how.

"They are still my friends, too, Sanosuke. I still care for all of them."

"Well you have one hell of a way of showing it! You haven't contacted any of us in seven years! You wouldn't have even known if somebody was in trouble! If you had cared you would have visited! Hell you would have at least wrote!" Slamming a fist against the steering wheel, Sano steadied the car when it jerked abruptly. "As it is you're lucky I haven't strangled your ass yet."

Breath freezing in his throat, Kenshin blinked back at him in disbelief. "Sano… what has happened that I need to know about?"

Finally screaming in a fit of rage, Sano wrenched the wheel sideways, his foot slamming on the brake as they skidded on the side of the road. Tires grabbing on the gravel, their seatbelts dug into their shoulders as the car lurched to a halt. Throwing the vehicle into park, Sano turned in the seat and snapped his fingers around the other's neck, Kenshin's head rapping harshly against the window.

"I'll ask you one more time. What the hell are you doing here, Kenshin? And you had better give me a straight answer or I will find a way to get your ass thrown in jail for the rest of your life. After I beat the shit out of you."

Wheezing desperately for air, Kenshin weakly struggled against the fingers crushing his wind pipe. "Sano… please… I can't breathe…" Coughing when his grip only tightened, he let his hands fall to wrap around the other's wrist. "I…" Choking, he tried again. "I came… to see… Kao-ru…" Dropping when the large hand disappeared, Kenshin rubbed at his throat, coughing and trying to suck in deep breaths at the same time.

"I'm taking you back to the airport. You need to leave."

"Sano… I have… to see… her…" Still trying to work his breathing back to normal, he protested against the other's refusal to let him get any closer. "She has… to know… that I… still love her."

"Oh, is that why you married that other woman?" Tone almost reasonable, his voice dripping sarcasm, he sneered once before punching him in the face. Skull ricocheting off the door jam, Kenshin moaned as his vision swam, the loud slam of a car door splitting his headache to new heights. Leaning heavily against his own door, he fell out onto the ground when it disappeared abruptly. Blinking against the sudden light from the sun, he had no time to react when Sano's hand hefted him back to his feet and slammed him against the side of the car. Another blow to the face and he felt blood trickle from his nose. Finally catching his bearings, Kenshin decided he had had enough. Ducking the next punch, he vaulted up into Sano's torso and knocked him to the ground, a battle cry ripping from his mouth.

A car screeched around them, a driver throwing filthy words back at their struggling forms, and yet neither let up, Sano's bulk usually the dominant. Ending up back on the shoulder of the highway, their wrestling taking on a more serious tilt, Kenshin nailed him in the rib, listening with satisfaction as the other wheezed. Laughing in triumph, he kicked him off of him and jumped up to pin him down, throwing blows at any available opening. Jerking suddenly when two hands fisted into his shirt, his eyes widened when Sano spit blood to the side then lifted up and head butted him in the face. Eyes crossing at the pain, Kenshin slumped to the side.

A siren went off somewhere, and Kenshin moaned a second time, more out of frustration than pain. _Just great, now we're both going to end up in jail._

"What the hell is going on here?" Gravel crunched under the police officer's boots, a snap of a gun holster letting them both know he was armed if they tried to attack.

Sano stood, another splatter of blood hitting the ground when he spit. "Just showing this piece of trash some real justice, officer."

"Sagara-san, is that you?" A short pause followed, cut off by amused laughter. "Just don't kill him. I don't think even you could get out of that."

Sano laughed and agreed to be careful, trading a farewell with the officer and watching him drive away.

"You have got to be shitting me." Kenshin groaned and rolled over, pushing himself sideways so that he could sit up.

Sano laughed again, before strolling over to sit down next to him. "Guess you forgot what it was like to live in a small town, huh?"

Kenshin laughed this time, coughing when his ribs hurt from the motion. "Guess I forgot how much your punches hurt." Rubbing a hand over his broken nose, he sighed. "You never did fight very fair."

"Hell no. What's the fun in that?" Laughing again, he slapped Kenshin on the back. "You've gotten better though. You actual made me bleed this time."

"I've made you bleed before." Slightly indignant, Kenshin pulled away to look at the other man.

"Huh? Hitting me with a kendo stick does not count. If anybody doesn't fight fair around here it's you and that damn sword style you practice."

Silence descended upon them, both leaning into the back bumper of Sano's Toyota. Absently, Sano shifted, his hand digging into his pant's pocket and coming up with a pack of cigarettes. Offering one to the red-headed man beside him, he shrugged when Kenshin declined. Lighting one, he took a long drag, held it, then let it out slowly.

Slightly surprised Kenshin watched him. "When did you start smoking?"

"When I quite drinking." Taking another drag, he held the butt in his mouth as he inspected a spot of blood on his shirt. "Judges don't particularly like it when you show up to court smelling like alcohol. Smoke on the other hand is a daily occurrence." Shrugging again, he relaxed his arm against an upraised knee, the red cheery on the end of his cig sending trails up into the sky. "Gotta have something I guess." Looking over the cancer stick slowly, he made a face and flicked it out into the ditch. "My fiancé hates it though."

"You're getting married?" Shocked again, Kenshin grinned and shook his head. "Wow, she must be quite the catch to get you off of Megumi-san."

"She's beautiful." The words were almost defensive, and Kenshin felt his brow crease in sadness again. _I have truly lost a good friend because of all of this._

"I'm sure she is, Sano. You will have to introduce her to me sometime."

"Hmph." Standing, Sano offered him a hand and helped him up. "I'll think about it." Walking away to the driver's side door, he paused with it open when Kenshin spoke up.

"I have to see Kaoru again, Sano. I have to apologize to her."

Anger flickered across his friend's face another time, only he let it out by slamming the door instead of slamming his fist into his face. "You just won't give up, will you? You just have this need to make it worse." Marching back around the car, Sano snarled in his face, the anger that had vanished back with a vengeance. "Well who says I am going to let you hurt her again?"

"Sano, I have to…"

"To apologize. Yes, I heard you. And you're damn right to think that you need to. You need to grovel at her feet and beg like a worm to even come close to what you need to do. But don't think for one moment that telling her that you love her now will change anything. You don't even deserve her now. Besides," Another sneer appeared across his face. "I thought you were married. Or are you low enough to try and cheat on your wife as well? And kids? What kind of a father are you?"

"I do not have any kids, Sano, and… we are getting a divorce."

Laughing loudly, Sano snorted. "A likely story." Looking him up and down, Sano shook his head in disappointment. "I don't even know you. Why did I even drive here to pick you up?" Turning away he walked back around the vehicle.

"I did not come back before because… I was afraid I would _not _be faithful to my wife." Kenshin's head hung low, shame filling him at voicing such a weakness aloud. "Not with Kaoru so close, and not with the knowledge that she did love me. I did not think I would be strong enough to stay away from her forever. Not if I had even the slightest inkling of hope that she would take me back. She was always so strong… but I… I am not. And I could not disgrace my wife in such a way."

"And yet you are willing to do that now?"

Kenshin took a shaky breath. "I was telling the truth, Sanosuke. We are getting a divorce. A consensual one. We were not good for each other as a couple, but we have been good friends. She is… dating a man she used to go to school with… a sweetheart from before she transferred to our school."

"Have the papers gone through yet?" Being a lawyer, the question popped out, his brain slightly curious.

"They are being processed now, but we have been separated for over two years. I still believed that we could make things work… I was being a fool. She knew that I did not love her… not in the way that she needs to be."

Sano stood silent for awhile, thinking. Kenshin was trying to find a new path in his own life, and to do that he knew that he had to face past issues. Like Kaoru had overcome her own obstacles, Kenshin needed that as well. Sighing, he rubbed a hand over the aching bridge of his nose. "Get in the car, idiot. I'll take you to your father's house."

Kenshin balked. "You wouldn't be able to let me stay with you instead?" He had not talked to his father in seven years either, and he did not particularly welcome the opportunity to confront him so soon.

"No. My fiancé lives with me. She wouldn't like you in the house."

"Oh… right."

"Besides, I think your father might have a few words for you."

x

Kenshin stood in the bathroom of his father's house, carefully blotting a wet cloth over his split lip. It had been rather unnerving when his father had let him in, not a word slipping from his mouth. Only a hand gesture to get in and a bow to Sano when he left. It felt wrong somehow, like the man was waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike at him, when he was off guard. Not sure he liked this way any better than if the man had just slung him back out on the street or rather punched him in the face like Sano had done, Kenshin sighed when the door swung open.

"I told you that woman was not good for you."

"Yes… I remember, Tousan."

"So now that you have learned this all on your own you think you can come crawling back here… and do what exactly?"

"…I don't know, Tousan."

"Really? You mean you didn't come back here so that you could try and use Kaoru as some kind of fall back?"

Shocked, Kenshin turned around and stuttered. "Tousan, that is not…"

"Well I'll not have it, you here me. She has gone through enough without you trying to confuse her all over again."

"I'm not trying to use Kaoru as a fall back, Tousan. That was never my intention."

"Then what are you doing here? Nobody has heard from you in seven years and now it is suddenly fine for you to come back?"

"I've heard all of this already, Tousan."

"And you will hear it again. You have no right to come back here after all this time and expect everyone to just pick up where you have left off. Because their lives have already progressed past you. They have already given up on you being there and have forged ahead on their own. This includes Kaoru. Though she had it the hardest, she will eventually become the strongest because of it. I will not let you ruin her again."

"Tousan…"

"And my son left seven years ago. Do not talk to me as he would."

Kenshin felt his shoulders slump, and something tight developed in the back of his throat. Swallowing it down, his eyes searched futilely as he thought of what next to say. "…Master… I realize… that my life here is no longer available to me… and that my… that Kaoru can never be mine now… but… I still need this. I need to talk to her, to tell her that… I was wrong. Whether she forgives me or not… it does not matter. As long as she knows this…"

There was a long strain of silence, before Hiko shifted his weight. "I am to understand… that you are not going to pressure her or trick her into thinking anything or doing anything that she does not want, or fully understand if she wants, to do?"

"Of course not…"

"Then you will also agree not to plead with her or make her feel guilty. I will not have you begging her to forgive you. That decision is all her own. Not yours."

"Yes… I know this."

"Do not toy with me boy. I am letting you stay here only because I have a responsibility towards you. If I find out you are harassing her in any way, shape, or form, I will destroy you." Amethyst eyes widened, and Hiko nodded. "I am allowing this only so you will come to know the consequences of your actions and decisions, and so you will also know that there is nothing left to bring you back here ever again."

"Arigato, Hiko-sama."

x

"Damn straight you're thankful. I should not even be doing this by all rights." Sano blew smoke through the cracked window of his car as he dived through traffic, fitting his fourth cigarette through the same crevice to follow after. The man was rather fidgety, almost harassed looking, and Kenshin felt his worry deepen. There was definitely something wrong with Kaoru, he could feel it in his bones. Why else would Hiko and Sano be so overly protective of a woman that neither wanted nor needed such gloved handling before?

"Which brings me to a few rules I wanted to lay down before we got there."

"Rules?"

"That's right. Rules. You know, the kind that you only break if you're looking for an ass kickin'."

"Ok…"

"First of all, when we get there I do not want you to hollar out some greeting like you only seen her yesterday. Be quiet and don't startle her. In fact, I don't want her to know that you're there at all until I've talked to her first. Stay well back and don't say one word. If she decides that she's ok to talk with you, she will tell me first and then I'll walk you over to see her. If she doesn't want to see you, just walk away. Don't try to force your presence on her. It may be more than she can take."

"Sano… what's going on?"

"Shut up, alright. You'll see when we get there."

With the way Sano had been carrying on for the past hour, Kenshin was almost afraid they would end up parked outside a mental home. _Surely not… that would be too much. If… if that were the case… maybe I shouldn't talk to her. It could upset her more and then…_ Jerked out of his thoughts, he lurched with the car as it hit a rut in the dirt road Sano had turned onto. Raising an eyebrow, another horrible scenario popped into Kenshin's brain. _Maybe she's a hermit now. The kind that doesn't like company and screams if anyone walks up of them. How do you apologize for being the cause of something like that?_ Almost anxious to see around the bend, Kenshin craned his next, afraid of what their destination was going to be.

When a small clinic came into view his chest tightened, fearing the worst, then he read the sign. In large, faded red letters were the words _ANIMAL SHELTER_ and he sighed. She worked at an animal shelter.

Sano parked around to the side, climbing out without pause and heading for the corner that led to the back. Following closely after, he took in the large barn type building they had attached to the office and half-smiled at the noises that escaped its clutches. "Kaoru always did love animals." Saying this half to himself, he did not miss Sano's noncommittal grunt. When they reached a small side door to the barn, Sano motioned for Kenshin to come closer.

"Remember, don't say anything until I allow you to. Got it?" Nodding his head in understanding, he shuffled closer to peek through the door, suddenly excited to see Kaoru for the first time in seven years.

Inside was dark and dusty, plumes of light littered with hay and dust from the feed. Blinking several times to readjust his eyes, he searched the interior before focusing on the back of a young woman kneeling by a cage closer to the front. Soft coos were issuing from her lips, interspersed by half-panicked meows from a kitten, and Kenshin smiled.

"It's ok, baby. It's ok. Don't worry. We're going to take good care of you. And when you're healthy enough to eat solid food, we'll find you a nice home with a family that will love you and spoil you rotten. Does that sound good?" A light giggle filled the air and the meowing stopped, a loud slurping sound taking over instead. "Poor little guy. You were starving huh?" A cage door closed and the woman stood, dusting off the knees of her jeans before turning toward another cage on her left. Here she knelt again, her hands slipping inside to pet a rough looking puppy, but Kenshin was no longer paying attention to her actions. His eyes were instead focused on a deep cross-shaped scar on her left cheek.

"Where…" The word whispered from his mouth, but he stopped when Sano elbowed him lightly. Ripping his eyes from the girl, he shot them to the serious expression on his friend's face, then back again. At closer inspection, it was not only her face that was mutilated, but her arms as well. Long marks trailing up under her sleeve; down to her wrist; another curving around her thumb; horizontal cuts leaving a ladder like affect up the inside of her forearm. _What has happened to you?_ Jaw shaking in fury, Kenshin stepped back from the door and leveled an angry look at Sano.

"Who did this to her?" Keeping his voice low so as not to disturb her, Kenshin felt his whole being shake with a need to make the perpetrator pay. "Tell me, Sanosuke."

Sano stood quiet for several seconds, his silently angry eyes holding steady the look of the red-headed man. "You did."

Kenshin relaxed in shock, then stiffened again at Sano's blatant lie. "Stop fooling Sano. Tell me what happened."

"It's no lie, Kenshin." Mahogany irises saddened, and Sano sighed. "Let me go in and talk to her. Stay here and do not come any closer. Remember what I said. She will decide if she wants to see you."

Sano disappeared through the door, a gentle greeting floating across the barn to the woman on the other side. Taking a deep breath when her surprised words were returned, Kenshin moved to the door again and peeked inside.

"Sano, what are you doing here?" Kaoru smiled, stepping forward to greet him with a soft kiss on the cheek. "Don't you have to work or something?"

"I took the day off. Besides, do I have to have a reason to come see you?" A teasing quality entered his voice and yet his eyes were tender. Wondering, Kenshin felt his heart sink further. Kaoru must be really hurt for Sano to baby her in such a way.

"Hmm, I guess not." She smiled and laughed, her hand reaching for his. "Since you're here, why don't you meet our newest arrival. I found him on my way here this morning. The poor thing's mother was dead and so was the rest of the litter, but he's a strong willed little guy. Aren't you?" Kaoru wiggled a finger at the kitten she had been feeding, smiling when he lifted his head and meowed at her voice. "He should be ok under the heat lamp for now, but I'll have to bring him home with me tonight. He'll need to be fed at least every two hours, if not more."

Sano smiled, his hand squeezing hers. "That sounds like a good idea."

"I'm glad you don't mind."

Sano's smile was smaller and Kaoru finally looked him over fully, her head tilting to the side. "Is something wrong, Sano?"

Sighing, he closed his eyes before placing a hand between her shoulder blades. "There's something we need to talk about Kaoru. But I want you to know that it is going to be your decision completely, ok?"

A certain amount of fear crept into her eyes at those words, and Sano cursed at himself for not wording it better. "Come on, why don't you sit down."

They moved further down the barn, and out of earshot of Kenshin. Biting his lip, he watched Sano gently explain things to her. When her eyes shot up and to the door, Kenshin almost felt his heart stop. The emotion there was almost akin to terror and before Sano could say much more her head was shaking violently. Dismayed, Kenshin fought his emotions to stand his ground, wanting nothing more than to run over and beg for her to talk to him. Instead, he watched, how she buried her face in Sano's shirt and wrapped her arms around his torso, her frightened form shivering. This time it was Sano's coos of comfort that filled the air, and Kaoru's panicked noises echoing back.

Agitation rose up around the barn, the animals barking and meowing, a lone horse nickering. Stepping back away from the door, Kenshin hung his head and clenched his eyes shut. _Maybe Sano was telling the truth…_

x

"I need you to tell me everything."

Kenshin and Sano sat on the front porch of a two story house, the building beautiful and homey. Nothing like what Kenshin thought Sano should have been living in, not to mention own. Sano sighed and leaned forward, his elbows coming to rest on his knees as he stared out at the trees in his front yard and the few cars that passed by on the road.

"What do you want to know first?"

"… Those scars… where did they come from… and… for what reason were they made?"

Sano shook out a cigarette and lit it, his body leaning back into the chair. "Kaoru has developed a mental disorder. It's nothing that affects her intelligence or even her social well being. It's merely something that has been… mulled over in her mind and found to be a reasonable step… for her own survival, I guess you could say." Taking a drag, he let it out quickly and shifted forward once again, his hands moving as he tried to explain. "Every human has a certain… fail safe system that keeps their body from basically self-destructing. In the event that something threatens the safety of the body as a whole, the brain works to fix it. In the case of a wound, your white blood cells are stimulated and they attack the area of concern, healing the tissue that has been damaged and killing foreign substances that have built up.

"In Kaoru's case, her brain has taken a more drastic view of her "wound." Not that it hasn't been influenced by Kaoru's own reasoning, obviously. The point is," Sano smashed out his cigarette in an ashtray next to him. "at a certain point in Kaoru's life she came to the conclusion that the emotional struggle she was dealing with was too much. She could not find a way around it, she could not find a way to fix it, and during this time she discovered her own way of making herself forget it."

"You mean…" Horrified, yet unable to do anything else but take in Sano's every word, Kenshin leaned forward himself. "…by hurting herself?"

"Yes." Rubbing a hand over his face, remembering a time that would always stick with him and be a burden on his own decisions, Sano stood and started pacing. "By hurting herself it gives her something to focus on. Something else to take up her time and distract her mind. The doctors said that the transition into this disorder is different for each patient, but with Kaoru it had to do with a certain date." Brown eyes fixed themselves on him, and Kenshin bulked.

"You mean… when I denied her."

Sano let his eyes drop to the floor and searched its grainy texture for wisdom. "When Kaoru talked to you… how much did she say?"

"You knew she did?" Slightly irritated, Kenshin frowned.

"Not until recently, and she did not give me details." Irritated himself, Sano threw back the statement. "Just answer the damn question."

"Only that… she was sorry that she had lied to me and that she… she did love me."

"Nothing else?"

"No… after I told her that - I couldn't… she left."

"Then you never knew?"

"Knew what?" Frustrated, Kenshin half-yelled the question.

"That Kaoru had a miscarriage our senior year."

"N-nani?"

"That was what triggered her breakdown."

"You mean…" Images flashed before his eyes, and Kenshin thought back to those moments of his senior year. Kaoru had looked so ill, and her weight had been off… then when she… "Kaoru went to the hospital in February of that year… everyone said she had gotten sick, and when she came back… she looked so much healthier and I thought… You mean…" Tears gathered at the back of his throat again and he ducked down to cup his face in his hands. "She would have been five months pregnant… with my child."

"Hai… but because of her emotional turmoil she denied the pregnancy and did not take care of herself. After you denied her she got worse. She stopped eating altogether and she stopped talking to any of us."

"But… why didn't she say anything… why didn't she tell me?"

"You had already made your decision. You know better than to think she would have tried to change your mind with something so large as a baby. That would have been like forcing you to take her over Tomoe."

"But…"

"Do you want to hear this or not?"

Kenshin swallowed, then nodded for him to proceed.

"When she had the miscarriage she was far enough along that she had to actually give birth. Because of this and the pain that accompanied it, her doctor's think that she came up with her idea through the physical struggle she endured. During the labor she could not focus on any other pain, including mental and emotional. It was a blessed relief for her. After that, she trained herself on how to control her emotions, by hurting herself when they became too much."

"How long did this go on?"

"She was very clever about it. Only marking herself in places that she could hide easily from the public. She would treat them herself and bandage them herself, and if anyone did notice, she would simply have an excuse to throw them off. _I tripped on a rock walking to school. _Or _I fell off my bike on a gravel road._ Because nobody got to see the marks and actually examine them, nobody thought anything of it.

"The first time she hurt herself where anyone could see was the day you moved to Tokyo." Kenshin frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but Sano cut him off. "Don't be so arrogant. That day was also the day both of her parents were killed in a car crash."

"I - do not think I can take much more, Sano." Terribly shaken by all of the information that he was receiving, Kenshin buried his head in his hands.

"Really? I don't think I care what you think. You wanted to know, and I'm going to tell you." Pacing back over to the edge of the porch he leaned up against the railing. "The scar, on her face. That scar is for you and for them. Because she lost two of the most important aspects of her life; her parents who had raised her and loved her, and the father of a child she had lost." Resentment clouded Sano's eyes and he gripped the wooden banister tightly with both hands. "I was the one who found her on that day. I was the one who had to take care of her. Who took her to the hospital and tried to get her help. It has been one hell of a struggle and after seven years she has finally learned how to live without pain. I will not let you give it back to her."

"Sano…" Swallowing hard, Kenshin stood. "I understand that you hate me… because I have hurt a good friend, but… she is my friend too, and… she deserves to hear an apology from me…and I… I need to have that chance to say it." Clenching his teeth, Kenshin straightened in challenge. "You have no more right than I to hide her from that chance."

"No right?" Sano turned and stalked back over to the other's rigid figure. "**I** have no right?" Bending down so he was closer to the other's height, Sano laughed. "I have every right to throw a restraining order on your ass and make sure you never come near Kaoru again."

"You couldn't." Throwing it off, Kenshin stepped back and turned to the steps of the porch, intent on walking back to his father's house. It was only down the block.

"No?" Watching him walk away, Sano followed him to the top step and leaned into a post. "She's _my _fiancé, Kenshin. I have **every **right."

Kenshin froze, and when he turned to look at the other man over his shoulder, the world of surprise in his eyes was enough satisfaction for Sano to smirk. "I'm the one who has been here for her Kenshin. Not you. Don't you forget that."

x

Kenshin lay on his bed in his old room at his father's house, staring at the ceiling and thinking. It had been a week since he had come here, six days since he had seen Kaoru again; five days and sixteen hours since Sano had told him that Kaoru now belonged to him. Nothing had been heard from Sano since, though that was partly Kenshin's fault as well, since he did not particularly wish to speak with the man. Not now that he couldn't help but half-way resent him. Even knowing that it was not his place to be angry or feel betrayed, he could not help feeling frustrated with the situation.

It wasn't that he had hoped Kaoru would fall back into his arms the moment he had come back… or that he thought she would even want to see him. It was the fact that Sano had been his best friend, and he was supposed to be the least likely person she would fall for. If he had thought in any of his wildest imaginings that she would be already taken when he arrived, it was to some nameless nobody. Sano though… Sano was supposed to not only be loyal to them both… he was supposed to have been with Megumi right now and have popped out a few kids. Not be a top lawyer of the best firm in town and own a house that looked like it jumped out of a movie **and** have the woman of **his **dreams.

The meaning of his return seemed to have been taken right out from underneath him and he didn't know what to do about it. He still wanted to apologize. Yes, that was what needed to be done, but what he had wanted… was to feel the love he had always longed for in his heart. To uncover that feeling he had tried to hide for the sake of another woman. One whom he had thought could not survive a heartache like the one he would have given to be with Kaoru. All he wanted was to return to that moment before their senior year and wake her back up from her slumber, her tired form drifting into sleep in his arms. To let her know that he loved her and that she belonged with him… that they belonged together. To make her look him in the eye and respond instead of sneaking her back into her house while she slept. What he needed was to make this right… but what he wanted was to turn back time.

Jumping when a knock sounded on his door, he turned his head and called his father in. When the door swung open, he moved to sit up, rubbing a hand over his stiff neck.

"You have a visitor."

Looking up sharply, he watched Hiko's large hand beckon someone forward, a soft expression on his face. Confused he sucked in a harsh breath when the small form of a woman came into view, her blue eyes looking first to Hiko than darting nervously to him.

"Arigato, Hiko-sama." Her voice was so soft.

"I'll be downstairs if you need anything."

"I'll be fine." She smiled for him, and he nodded his head back, a smile of pride on his face. When Kaoru turned into the room, Kenshin stood, his lips unable to produce any coherent words.

Blue jeans covered her legs all the way down to the socks on her feet, the fit comfortable. A long sleeved shirt hid her arms from his view, concealing the scars he knew were there. But it was her face that he focused on, the vivid redness of the blemish on her skin staring back at him… accusing him.

"Kaoru…" He stepped toward her, and she hastily stepped back, stilling his motions in a warning that she was there under her own will and she would leave if she felt threatened at all. Indigo irises, darkened in an unknown emotion, swiftly lowered to the floor and she bit her lip before taking a deep breath. Her nerves successfully steadied, she looked to him and smiled.

"It's been a long time, Kenshin." Still halfway in shock, he merely nodded. Suddenly unsure Kaoru searched around for something to focus on. "Your room hasn't changed at all." Smile reaching her eyes, she pointed at a mark on the wall. "Even our pencil drawings are still here." Walking over, she ran her finger over the cartoon like pictures. "Hiko-sama was so angry that we drew on his walls. I thought he would never allow me back over here." Chancing a look back Kenshin's direction, she found he had not moved, but to follow her with his eyes. Uncomfortable, she lifted a hand to her cheek. "You can stop staring now."

"G-gomen." Violet irises lowered to the floor and he swallowed. A soft shuffling sound rose from her feet and then the creak of a chair alerted him that she had sat down. Looking back to her, he slowly sunk down onto the bed. "Kaoru… I thought… you did not want to see me."

"Sano told me you had talked." The words blurted from her mouth and she twisted her fingers together in agitation at the noise.

"Oh."

"I… I was sorry to hear about your divorce. It must be hard." Absently her fingers fiddled with her scar.

Sighing, Kenshin stood and walked to the window. "It is more of a relief than a burden."

"How can you say that?" Surprised, Kaoru stared at his back.

Shaking his head, Kenshin placed long fingers on the warm glass. "It doesn't matter. Kaoru…" Turning back to her, he started to move closer, then caught himself, an exasperated huff of air leaving him; frustrated at the distance. "…I came here to tell you that… I am sorry. Truly I am. For everything. For not understanding when you were afraid; for not listening when you needed to tell me something important; for denying you when you asked for the love you felt to be returned; for this…" Walking slowly closer, he lifted a hand to the scar on her cheek, barely skimming the surface for fear of frightening her.

"I never meant to hurt you, Kaoru. I was only… afraid myself, but… I should have listened to what my heart was telling me. That the regret I had felt was not for the friendship I had developed with Tomoe, but for the missing months we could have spent together." Kaoru's eyes trembled and she lowered her chin to hide her sorrow, but she did not move away.

"I have wished many times in the past seven years that I had taken your hand and accepted you, but never more so than I have this past week. After Sano told me… about… our baby…" Sapphire irises snapped to his and they filled with tears, a pain that whispered to her in the darkest hour of night pushing forth with a vengeance. "I have desperately longed for a second chance to do right by you." Liquid anguish poured forth from his own eyes, traveling hot and thick down his cheeks, and his voice broke with their force. "Please… please know that I am sorry. I'm so sorry."

Chest heaving over a sob, he leaned forward with the force of it, all the pain he had felt finally finding an outlet in this admission to a friend. A friend he had loved with all his teenage heart and had not been able to replace in his adulthood. Knees buckling to send him to the ground, he was vaguely thankful for a soft landing, noticing only afterwards that there were equally soft arms holding him close as well. Opening startled eyes, he stared at the gentle curve of her neck and froze. Struggling feebly, trying to be responsible and not ruin her own reputation, as she was a woman now spoken for, he protested when she held on.

"Please don't Kaoru… you shouldn't forgive me. I don't deserve it."

"Oh stop being so melodramatic, Kenshin. I am merely comforting you. Everyone deserves comfort in their life, and friends will always be the best at giving it."

"But… I do not deserve your friendship either."

"Oh I know."

Pulling back Kenshin looked up at her serious face, confused and dumbfounded. Then she smiled, and he laughed, his head falling back into her collarbone for support. Readjusting her weight, Kaoru's face shifted closer as she leaned his direction, her own chuckles light in the air, and before he could think of what he was doing he tilted his chin and his lips met hers. And for half of a second… she kissed him back.

Jerking away, Kaoru scrambled to her feet, her socks giving no traction as she slid on the floor. Hands finally reaching for the door handle, she levered herself up and threw a look over her shoulder. Kenshin still sat where she had left him, his beautiful eyes wide, his handsome face stricken, his perfect lips already forming the beginnings of an apology. Shaking her head, she yanked on the door.

"Kaoru… don't go… I'm sorry."

"Leave me alone, Kenshin. I'm getting married for Kami's sake!"

"I wasn't thinking… I…" Standing himself, he grabbed for the door before it slammed shut behind her. "Kaoru, I love you…" Desperate, he let the words slip and could have bitten his tongue off. Watching her stop dead in the middle of the hallway, he knew he would regret forcing her to make such a decision. Especially after promising his father that he would not.

"Don't say another word, Kenshin. Not one more word." Walking away she disappeared down the stairs.

When Hiko's bulk took her place on the landing, Kenshin hung his head and turned back to his old room. "Do not worry, Tousan… I will be leaving tomorrow."

"That would probably be wise." As the door swung shut and the squeak of a mattress informed Hiko that his son had thrown himself onto the bed, he smiled. "For now, that would be wise."

x

Kaoru opened the door to her house slowly, peeking around the corner of its wood to pinpoint exactly where Sano was. Not finding him in the direct path to the kitchen, she wiped at the tears on her face and walked in. Almost to the door, her foot creaked on the wooden floor and a masculine voice rang out from the living room.

"Kaoru?"

Sniffing, she cleared her throat and answered. "Hai, it's me Sano. I'm home."

"How did everything go with the delivery?"

Biting her lip at the lie she had told him, making up a story about one of her animals going into labor at the clinic, she steadied herself to finish the lie. "Fine… everything went fine. I uh… really need a shower, though."

As his voice called back that he understood she slipped into the kitchen and stood, frozen as she stared at the drawer she knew Sano hid his cooking knives in. Lip trembling and heart sore, she clenched her eyes shut and carefully dug one out. _Just a small cut… only enough to make the pain go away. No one will notice and it won't hurt anything. I'm still in control… I'm still fine. Just one…_ Padding softly through the second door leading out to the bathroom, she quickly shut herself inside and started the shower.

Staring in fascination at the sharp blade she held, her hands shook and her mind protested. _You know this is wrong. It won't make everything better… it won't make what you heard disappear. You have to come to a decision… you have to make this right in a different way._ Holding in a sob, she braced her back up against the tiled wall next to the sink, her forehead leaning into the flat of the blade. _But it hurts so much. I can't take it… I need it to go away. Please._

Memories washed up to the forefront of her thoughts like waves on the shore, reminding her of everything she had been through. Of the hopeful despair over the love of a man she had admired for years; of the hard labor she had endured just to bring the lifeless form of their child into this world; of the total loss of any love she had held in her life. They had all hurt her, everyone of those occurrences had scarred her, not only on her skin but on her heart as well. And now… now she felt she had betrayed her husband to be.

Looking down she clenched her fingers at finding the blade flush on her skin, a clean indention forming where she was pressing, not quite hard enough to break through and bring about the blood. _But I have gained so much! I may have lost the comfort of my parents but I gained a stronger bond with Sano. He was always there for me. He has always understood. He has always taken care of me. Along with Misao and Aoshi in their own ways. I'm still alive… through all of that pain… I am still here and I have still known joy._ Crying out she threw the knife from her, the metal length clanging severely against the opposite wall. Burying her head in her arms she curled into a ball and cried.

Sano ran into the room and threw open the door, starkly afraid she had fallen when he had heard the noise. However, the sight he beheld inside the room only deepened his anxiety further. With Kaoru balled into herself and the kitchen knife laying innocently on the floor, he nearly cried at finding her in such a state.

"No… oh no, Kaoru. Why?" Kneeling swiftly next to her, he pulled her quivering form against him, his cheek ducking into her hair. She said nothing and as he continued to hold her he caught sight of the blade a second time, wondering at the absence of blood. Pulling away he searched her body for any signs of damage and when he found none, he forced her to look at him.

"Kaoru, what is going on?"

Her face was streaked with tears, her eyes bright with their liquid, and she looked to him in a kind of awe.

"I didn't… I didn't Sano." A smile broke across her face, and she didn't even protest when he held her shoulders tighter than necessary. "I was going to, but then I… and I thought that…" Her chest was heaving, a mixed form of laughter and sorrow forcing themselves out of her small frame.

"What happened, Kaoru?"

"I went… to talk to Kenshin… and I knew you would be mad, so I didn't tell… He told me everything, Sano… and it hurt." Her eyes shut again, more tears pouring out of their crevices. "It hurt so much. I was so confused and I couldn't stop the pain and I tried…" Her words became harder to translate, her voice sobbing. "I thought I could stop the pain… but… I didn't… I didn't…" Crying rent the air in earnest and he finally allowed her to wrap her arms around his neck. Hugging her close, he rocked her gently and whispered softly in her ear.

"I'm so proud of you, Kaoru. That was a brave thing to do."

x

Only slightly over a year later, Kenshin walked to the mailbox of his small home in Tokyo, a house he had shared with his now ex-wife for five years and now lived in alone. The thought no longer bringing any form of sadness, he opened the box and pulled out the stack of envelopes. Bills, credit card offers, and a couple of magazines slid through his hands and he sighed as he folded them in half and walked back inside.

Throwing the junk on his kitchen table as he entered, he walked to his coffee pot and poured himself a cup, the hot liquid steaming into the air as he sat down next to the heap. Sorting them out almost fanatically, throwing away the crap he did not need, he was just finished looking over an offer for a manga magazine when he caught sight of a smaller letter at the bottom. Fine, styled gold letters were imprinted on the front with his name and address as the subject, a stamp of a golden heart seeming to hold the flap shut over its contents. Curious as there was nothing else to inform him of what it carried, Kenshin flipped open the top and pulled out the enclosed papers.

The sadness that had been missing for months returned to him as he read the invitation, his heart thumping along at a dull pace that reminded him severely of his loneliness. Up until that point he had figured that he was over the whole thing, there was nothing left to hurt over and so there was no longer any need for him to be upset. Kaoru was happy now, Sano was happy now, and so was his ex… so why shouldn't he be happy that they were happy without him? Without his presence whatsoever?

It was then that he realized he was only numbed over the entire deal, that he had not fully healed himself over the shock of everything. Now, staring at Kaoru and Sano's names so casually placed together in the middle of their wedding invitation, he knew that he still had some issues that were not yet worked out in his heart or in his mind. Healing would take longer than he could possibly comprehend.

x

Misao looked over at her long time friend and smiled. Kaoru was happier than she had seen her in a long time. She no longer moped, she no longer hid herself from the world just because of a few, small scars. Hell, not that you could really notice them as much anymore anyways, not with the way they seemed to finally be healing. Especially the one on her face, its deep red indenture a dream of the past as it hid its now white form comfortably behind a slight dusting of makeup. Misao wondered what had happened to make Kaoru finally forgive herself.

Shrugging her shoulders, she pulled into the airport parking lot and bailed out, watching Kaoru do the same. Giggling they raced their way to the large doors that littered the side of the terminals and darted inside, yelling that each had won instead of the other. Laughing, Misao twisted her head around, looking for the tall form of a lady doctor that neither had seen in years, though she had sent them letters and called from time to time. They understood, though, going to school to become a doctor had to be harrowing work.

Spotting her elegant form directing an attendant to unload her luggage from the carousel, they both looked at each other and laughed again. Megumi could go nowhere without half of her clothes, which was almost a full wardrobe on its own. Slipping their way through the crowd of people, they made their way to her and grabbed her from behind.

"Megumi-san! I'm so glad you could make it!"

"Megumi-san! You look great!"

"My goodness, I've been attacked!"

Grinning happily, Megumi turned to the two girls she had befriended in high school, her assessing eyes sweeping over the energetic form of the smaller woman to the happily smiling face of the one who was engaged to her Sano. Lifting a hand to brush over the well hidden scar on her cheek, her eyes narrowed slightly in sympathy, wondering at the strength it must have taken to overcome such an obstacle.

"You two look wonderful." Tears came to her eyes as she hugged them both, and she indulged a moment of painful bliss at being able to see her dear friends again after such a long time. Pulling back with a sniff, she straightened her spine and snapped her fingers at the man pushing the cart. "Well, let's get going. We haven't got all day. I need a long bath after that trip."

Packed into the car, Megumi's bags taking up all of the trunk and most of the back seat, they started their trip back into town. Laughing and giggling as they played catch up, they traded stories on what had happened most recently in their lives.

"So are you excited, Kaoru-chan?" Megumi's hand came to rest on her shoulder, her voice and lips smiling. "It's not everyday a woman gets married, you know."

Kaoru grinned and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. We've been living together for quite awhile. It almost feels like we're already married."

"Oh?" Mouth tilting slyly, Megumi lifted her hand for a fox laugh. "So you've already got him trained, do you?" Misao joined in the laughter when Kaoru only blinked back at them.

"What do you mean?"

It was Megumi's turn to blink back, her eyes wide in disbelief. "What do you mean, what do I mean? You said so yourself you've been living together."

"Oh, well… Sano's pretty good about cleaning up after himself. We really don't get into any arguments about anything. Except when he tries to smoke in the house." Waving a hand in the air as if to dismiss that, Kaoru chuckled alone.

"Kaoru… you can stop being so naïve. We're adults now, not highschoolers."

"But… I don't…"

Misao sighed, one hand pulling off the steering wheel to gesture in the air. "Sex, Kaoru. She's talking about sex. You know… how is it and all that."

Megumi's smile turned into a frown when Kaoru's face dropped, her cheeks burning red.

"But… we haven't… I mean…" _It's Sano we're talking about here._ Kaoru frowned at the thought, her eyes dropping to her lap. A small tug of unconscious denial dropped into her stomach, turning her insides to lead. Somehow, she couldn't get passed how unappealing the notion was. They'd traded kisses, to be sure, but nothing passionate could ever be found in those exchanges. They were always casual and… expected. Not sought after or truly enjoyed. They'd talked about children too… but always in future reference. Never in present. _Have I… been denying him… or does he feel the same?_ Biting her lip, Kaoru glanced out the window. This was not what she knew she should be thinking about the week of her wedding date.

Misao parked the car out front of Sano's house, the three bailing out with only a carry on bag thrown over Megumi's shoulder. It had been decided upon already that they would have one group party to celebrate the union instead of dividing up into sexes. It had been so long since the entire gang had been together, Kaoru and Sano had both eagerly jumped on the idea. So, for now, Megumi would be freshening up at their house before heading over to her hotel room afterwards.

Giggling and teasing, the girls made their way up the porch steps to the door. Misao was laughing at a story Megumi was telling, while Kaoru was trying not to fall over at the mental image. All three in high spirits, they missed the moment Sano walked out onto the porch to greet them.

Kaoru looked to him first, a smile on her face to greet him like always. Taking a breath over the pain in her side, a side affect of laughter, she cut herself off midway. Caught by the look on his face, her thoughts once again returned to those musings she did not think she was supposed to be sporting. Intensified by the look of surprise and intensity in his deep mahogany irises as he studied the form of not his fiancé, but the woman they had picked up from the airport.

More curious than hurt - an occurrence she decided to pick over later - Kaoru turned her gaze to her friend. Megumi was still immersed in her story, her eyes lit up with laughter, her feminine form gracefully straight as her hands made elegant gestures through the air. She was the very picture of beauty, it seemed to Kaoru, and beside her, Kaoru knew she was only a fuzzy imitation. A few more seconds passed, the end of the story punching Misao hard in hilarity, and Megumi looked up, her eyes fixing finally on Sano. Whereas his eyes had never left her. There was a moment of stillness, a look of unguarded emotion in the normally carefree doctor's eyes, and then she was stepping coolly forward.

"Congratulations, Sanosuke." A slim hand lifted, offering to shake, and in dumbfounded confusion he stared before shaking himself to capture it in his own.

"A-arigato." The moment was stretched as he continued to grasp the delicate, doctor hand, until her small tug forced him to let go. "It's… nice to see ya again, fox."

Smiling at his banter, she placed the hand on her hip and cocked a pose. "Likewise, rooster head. What's this I hear about you smoking now? Don't you know those things will kill ya?"

To Kaoru's surprise, he actually blushed, and a small smile tilted her mouth. "Yeah, well… it's better than drinking, I guess. Here, let me get that for ya." Quickly stepping forward, breaking up the subject smoothly, he reached for the bag on her shoulder to take over the weight.

"Oh, I'll manage well enough." Sidestepping his reach, Megumi brushed passed him and into the house. "I'm going to be borrowing your bathroom, however. And us girls are going to won't some alone time to catch up on the important stuff. Why don't you find something else to do."

"Well… actually I was going to take a walk down the street and visit with Kenshin… Since he's back in town, too. We'll be back over at around five to start cooking. Probably pick up some things while we're out too."

Kaoru stepped forward now, almost demanding his attention. "That would be great, Sano." He jumped, as if he didn't even know she was there, and Kaoru pursed her lips.

"Oh hey… welcome home… Kaoru."

Tilting her head at the quiet greeting, his voice nearly inaudible, Kaoru bit her lip before deciding to test her growing theory. Reaching up on tiptoes, she planted a soft kiss on his cheek, anxiety heightening when she found she was unable to bring herself to kiss him on the lips. Even he was stiff under her touch, a faintly uncomfortable vibe radiating from him. Rocking back flat on her feet, she smiled shakily and pushed him to relieve the tension.

"Well, get going. And tell Kenshin I said hi alright."

Sano agreed with a strained breath, his being relaxing at her withdraw, and she watched him jog quickly out to the sidewalk. And she did not miss the furtive glance exchanged between the two ex-lovers.

x

The party was easy going and friendly, almost as if seven years of their lives had reversed and everything had gone back to normal. Even, Kaoru was noticing, Sano's little habit of following the fox around like he was a lost puppy. She didn't know if anyone else was noticing it like she was or not, as nobody had spoken of it, but Kaoru was realizing that she was a lot less angered by the fact than she probably should have been. In fact… it was almost a relief… faintly… natural.

She felt like she could breathe again. Like she wasn't being smothered by an overprotective, manic fiancé that thought she was fragile and unable to cut her own steak by herself. It was the first time in years that she felt like she was independent and… free. Of everything. Of guilt and pain… suffering and a looming sense of failure. Because life did go on… was continuing on… and would continue to stride forward whether she thought she couldn't or not. She had survived the worst and here she was, laughing with friends and drinking low alcohol beverages while teasing Aoshi about his inability to hold his liquor.

Grinning softly to herself as Sano huffed out a breath of annoyance and disagreement of Megumi's razor sharp wit and banter, Kaoru looked up at the shadow that blocked her from the bright porch light. Smiling at Kenshin, she beckoned for him to sit beside her.

"Hey, we haven't really got the chance to talk yet." Feeling chummy, Kaoru bumped him playfully with her shoulder when he was seated, offering him a piece of sushi off of her plate. He declined, instead reaching to brush over the last lingering trace of the scar on her cheek.

"It's so amazing. Like it wasn't even there this time last year."

"Yeah, they all kinda look that way." Lifting an arm in reference, she pulled up the long sleeve to show off the numerous white lines on her skin. "They're still faintly noticeable, and probably pretty unattractive to someone who doesn't know about them, but… they look so much healthier now. Still I probably won't be wearing tank tops any time soon."

"I think they are more a show of growth and courage. Not unattractive."

Kaoru's smile turned softer, noticing in slow insight that this feeling of warmth was never present when Sano complimented her in such easy ways. This was something different… delicate. "Well, Hiko-sama did say that I would have to heal inside first… that the feelings that had created them would have to fade before they would." Kaoru ran a hand over the thin indentures in her arm, then laughed at the silliness of the statement. "That's Hiko-sama for you though… old-fashioned to the end."

Kenshin smiled at how much of a change there was between this Kaoru and the Kaoru he had witnessed only a little over a year earlier. She was more outspoken and bold, like she used to be, no longer frightened and jumpy, but sure and confident. This was the Kaoru he had fallen in love with. The Kaoru that would always hold his heart. Clearing his throat at the swell of emotion constricting his lungs, Kenshin looked away, knowing that there was no longer a chance for that life. Not after their history. He would have to content himself with her friendship now, and learn to live with old dreams. She had been his for one night. He would be hers forever.

"I think he has the right of it though, Kaoru. You have healed and those scars no longer have a hold over you. They have disappeared because you have finally let them go. And now that they are gone…" Kenshin turned his smile back to her. "you are free to move on."

Blue irises lowered, Kaoru's arms wrapping around her knees. "I will never forget, though, Kenshin. I… I did love you, and the child we made…" Biting her lip at the ache of loss, she lifted her head and smiled through the tears. "You will always be in my heart, Kenshin."

Eyes closing, Kenshin turned his head away. _You tease me, Kaoru. Please don't make it harder for me to let all of this go._ "I hope you will forgive me. Someday… for everything." Making light of the situation, Kenshin laughed and lifted a finger to tweak her nose. "If I'd been brighter, it would be me you'd be walking down the aisle with, hmm?"

Kaoru laughed and wiped at her eyes, composing herself quickly to return his teasing. "I don't know… we probably wouldn't have made it out of high school alive if my dad had found out about us sleeping together."

Wincing, Kenshin nodded his head in agreement. "You're right… what was I thinking? Your dad was always pretty scary."

"Only with you." Setting her face in a stern expression, Kaoru waved her finger. "He knew you were bad news from the start. Always hanging around his little girl and getting her into trouble at school."

"It's not my fault you were always getting into fights!" Pretending to act shocked and defensive, Kenshin waved his hands in the air. "I was the one trying to talk you out of them."

Kaoru finally completely collapsed into laughter, her balance threatening as the mirth overtook her. Kenshin happily soaked in the sound and knowledge of being the cause, taking in every moment with selfish greed. Caught in the moment, Kaoru threw her arms around his neck, hugging him fiercely before moving to stand.

"I've missed you Kenshin. Don't be a stranger, ok?"

Following her with eyes full of longing, Kenshin sighed, letting his head fall back against the wall of the house. _I've missed you too, koishii. More and more by the day._

x

"Did you see everything I did tonight, anata?" Misao sat in Aoshi's lap, her hands playing with his shirt collar.

"Hai. It's about time those four started seeing the truth."

"They should have seen it all back in grade school like us. I knew you were mine the first moment I laid eyes on you." Teasing him, she slipped her hands under his shirt and raked her nails softly over his skin.

Smiling down at her in amusement, Aoshi narrowed his eyes at the spark of desire she uncovered. _And I knew you were mine the first time you called me Aoshi-sama._

"Do you think they'll come to their senses before the wedding?"

"Worry about it in the morning." Lifting her easily as he stood, Aoshi carried her into their bedroom. "I have other, more pressing issues for right now."

"Ooo, Aoshi-sama."

x

Kaoru stood in her bedroom alone, listening to Sano tell Kenshin goodnight. He was the last to leave their little party, and she knew Sano wanted time alone to talk to his old friend. As much as the man's visit had angered Sano the year before, Kaoru knew that Sano had actually missed his best friend's presence. The fact was very amusing… and completely touching.

Sighing, Kaoru shifted her weight from one foot to the other, studying her reflection in the long mirror in front of her. Kenshin had been right… her scars were almost nonexistent now. They were still visible, to be sure. They were something she would undoubtedly have to live with for the rest of her life… but… as they were now, she almost found herself to be… pretty.

Twisting her figure, she turned her head over her shoulder to peruse her naked back, studying intently the smooth slope of skin. It was the only part of her body that had escaped harm, and all in all she was more than a little proud of it. _And my butt's not so bad either._ Making a face at herself, she shrugged her shoulders and giggled. _I'm not unattractive, I guess. I have a good figure. My hips aren't completely back to how they were in high school, but that's to be expected after technically having a baby. But… it's not like I'm overweight or have a pooch. So why hasn't my fiancé ever wanted more out of me than just companionship? Why don't __**I **__want anything more, for that matter? Come to think of it… I don't think I've ever seen Sano naked. And him walking around in his boxers isn't the same._

Pursing her lips, Kaoru shifted so she was facing herself once again. _And it's not like I don't know what sex is. Or that I would mind it. I mean… I've done it before with… with Kenshin._ Biting her lower lip self-consciously, Kaoru crossed her arms over her chest, remembering all at once the feel of soft skin and the masculine scent of Kenshin's cologne. It had been overwhelming and heady and unlike anything she had ever experienced before and… _Ok, so I enjoyed it. So it's not like I had a bad experience or anything and never want to do it again. It's just… it's just…_

The door clicked as the handle turned, the hinges scraping slightly together as Sano let himself into their bedroom. Turning expectantly, Kaoru dropped her arms to her sides, watching him heave a long sigh before lifting his eyes nonchalantly to her figure. Where he jumped back in shock and threw his hands over his eyes with an indignant shriek of surprise.

"Holy shit, Kaoru! Why didn't you say something!" Turning back to the door, his hand reaching blindly to let himself out, Kaoru stopped him with an arguing question.

"What's wrong with seeing your fiancé naked, Sanosuke? It's not like we haven't been sleeping in the same bed all this time."

"Yeah but… you're… you're… really _naked!_"

"And I would be on our wedding night too, if you really wanted to consummate a marriage, you idiot! Unless you were planning on staying celibate our entire life."

"Well, no! But… geeze, Kaoru you could have at least warned me, or something."

"Why? I thought it was supposed to be sexy and seductive for the woman to greet her man in the nude."

Sano lifted a brow and peeked over his shoulder. "Now you're just making fun of me."

"I'll be making more than just fun of you if you can't even look at me while I'm naked."

Letting out a long breath, Sano squared his shoulders, and turned to face her, his eyes fixated on hers. Eyebrows twitching, he forcefully made his eyes drop to look at the rest of her, but couldn't stop himself from quickly looking away. It felt forbidden… wrong… and somehow made him queasy. It wasn't that she was not beautiful, it was just… _It's not you Kaoru… it's just… me…_

Taking pity on him, Kaoru reached for the robe she'd left lying on the bed, wrapping it around her naked form, much to Sano's relief. Tying the knot quickly, she sighed and sat down with a plop.

"There's something wrong with us, isn't there, Sano?"

"What do you mean?" Moving to sit beside her, Sano studied her expression in confusion, worried over the look in her eyes.

"Well… we've been together for so long, and… I do love you…" Twining her fingers through his, Kaoru smiled when he returned her squeeze. "But it's not the same, is it? I've never once felt… passion or desire. I never noticed it before today, but… we've never kissed. Not really. Not like Aoshi and Misao do. And you've never shown any desire to touch me like a man does a woman. You've never looked at me like you did at Megumi tonight."

Caught off guard Sano stuttered, a denial already pouring from his mouth.

"It's alright, Sano… I'm not mad. And I think it's because… I've never wanted you to."

"Kaoru…" Dark irises titled downward sadly, his other hand clasping over their already joined pair. "I'm sorry. I neglected you today, didn't I?"

"I said it's alright, Sano. Really." Smiling in reassurance, she brushed his hair out of his eyes in a protective gesture. "Megumi will always be special to you, and I don't think either of us have realized that until today. It was probably for the best… all of this. It's made me realize that… we're not good for each other. Not as a couple."

"Kaoru, I promised I would take care of you. I'm not going to give up on this. Not now. I won't leave you alone." Fiercely denying her bid to break up their relationship, Sano's eyes darkened, stubbornness taking over where reason ruled out.

"I will not marry you, Sano. And I will not let you marry me." Waving a hand in the air, Kaoru laughed to ease the tension. "Besides, it'd feel like I was forcing you or something. And who says I want to live with a cigarette smoking husband for the rest of my life?"

Sano was not amused, and Kaoru sighed at his frowning features. "Sanosuke… I'm not just doing this for you. I'm doing it for me too. Because I _want _all of those things. I want to feel loved and needed, cherished and… and dammit, I want to feel sexy." Laughter bubbled up Sano's throat unwillingly, and Kaoru's grin spread to her eyes. "I want somebody to want me, to look at me like you look at Megumi. With wonder and delight… like you can't believe your eyes. Like your world is focused purely on her and nothing else matters. And I want to love someone like that, too. I want to not be able to breathe when they touch me. I want it all, Sano. And I won't give up on it by taking the safe way out. And I won't let you either."

Red stained Sano's cheeks, and Kaoru patted him on the head knowingly. "Don't think I don't know that you've used me as protection just like I've used you. But just like you wouldn't let me give up, I'm not going to let you. You get what you want, Sagara Sanosuke. Don't let anything get in your way."

"Kaoru…" Scratching his head, Sano worked his jaw soundlessly, shaking his head at her words and cocking a grin. "I always knew you were the strongest one of our group."

"Don't you forget it." Knocking him gently in the jaw with her fist, she giggled when he laughed.

"I guess this means the wedding's off."

"Yeah." Dropping her eyes to her lap, she stared at the diamond engagement ring on her finger. Sighing, she lifted her hand and slipped the golden circle off. "I guess… this belongs to you, too." Placing it in his palm, she occupied herself with rubbing on the indention it left in her skin.

"You're sure you want to go through with this?" Large fingers swiped gently over her face, tracing the outline of the white scar on her cheek. Dark irises were slightly sad, deep and worried. For her. "I do love you, Kaoru. I always will. You're one of the best things that has happened to me. You made me realize what responsibility is and why it's important. You've taught me so much that I am indebted to you for."

"I feel the same, Sano… but yes… I'm sure."

"Don't you ever hesitate to come to me, if you ever need anything. I'll always be here for you."

"I know. Don't worry. I'm ready to stand on my own again."

x

Kaoru sat cross-legged on the floor of the barn, the smell of straw and animal sweat heavy in the air. In her lap lay an injured calico, the large gashes in its sides suggesting it had gotten into a fight with a wild dog. The poor thing was in so much pain, but was not near death. For that, Kaoru was thankful. Still, it seemed to almost demand it be held and cuddled, like it needed reassurance that someone was there. Someone that cared. Knowing the feeling, Kaoru scratched it softly on the head, listening to it purr with satisfaction.

"You're ok now, baby. You're safe. I won't let anything else hurt you while you're recovering."

"Is the poor thing alright?"

Startled, Kaoru jumped, looking up quickly at the feminine voice. It was too soft and the accent was strange to her ears. Blinking at the black eyes looking back at her, it took Kaoru several seconds to recognize the girl that had stolen her Kenshin from her.

"Tomoe-san… what are you doing here?" Bracing the cat in her arm securely, she stood to greet the woman properly. "You did get the message that the wedding was called off, didn't you?"

"Yes, Kenshin did call, but we had already planned on the trip and I thought it would be a nice mini-vacation." A small smile graced the woman's lips, and her irises once again dropped to the cat in her arms. "Since we were here I wanted to speak with you, and Akira agreed to drive me up here when Sagara-san said you had gone back to work a few days ago. You don't mind, do you?" One slim hand came out to offer the cat a sniff, caressing softly over its fur when it leaned into her fingers.

"Of course not… it was just… unexpected."

"Will you walk with me? I'm afraid it's too stuffy in here for me." She smiled apologetically, and Kaoru agreed, tucking the cat back into a cage, and making sure it was comfortable on the blankets. Making their way outside, Kaoru automatically glanced at the car parked next to the building, watching as Tomoe made a gesture at the man leaning against the hood. He smiled and nodded, apparently content to wait where he was.

"What did you wish to speak with me about, Tomoe-san?"

"I wanted to thank you for inviting me to your wedding. I was rather pleased to see the invitation, because I must confess I have always felt that you did not like me." Kaoru opened her mouth to protest, and Tomoe stilled her with a hand. "Do not worry about offending me, Kaoru-san, I am aware of the fact that I deserved every bit of your scorn. I knew that you loved Kenshin, and I knew that Kenshin loved you… but I was more than content to let Kenshin believe otherwise. And it shames me to no end."

"W-what are you talking about?"

Taking a deep breath, Tomoe turned to Kaoru and bowed low, her hands clenching into the long skirt she wore. "I am terribly sorry, Kaoru-san. All of this is my fault. The year I transferred to your school was a bitter year for me. I was angry at my father for moving me away from my home town and all of my friends. He split me from my life and all that I loved… including my sweetheart at the time. Kiyosato Akira." Standing again, she gestured at the man they had left back by the car. "When I arrived at your school I was sullen and lonely. When Kenshin readily agreed to befriend me, I thought myself happy. And when I saw how upset our friendship made you, I selfishly ignored it. I didn't want to give him up."

Walking further on to the tree line, Tomoe lifted a hand to pluck off a leaf, shredding the plant in her fingers. "I saw everything, Kaoru-san. The way he looked at you when you weren't looking. The fear he showed in his eyes when you were not well. The longing that took over when you would walk by. He never looked at me like that. And I will admit that I was jealous, but still I would not let him go. I was so afraid of being alone. And the more Kenshin tried to make himself love me, the deeper I buried the knowledge that he didn't.

"It only became worse the longer we were together, and we quarreled constantly. We both found excuses to not spend time together, we hardly even ate a meal at the same time… we even slept in separate beds. He tried… but it wasn't enough. I wanted more than he could give, and he wanted something I was not."

Dark brows furrowed over blue irises, a deep sense of sadness welling inside of her chest. This entire situation had affected so many. "Why are you telling me this now?"

Tomoe smiled, her face lighting in a way Kaoru had never seen before. "I know this is going to sound strange, but I was glad to hear that you were not getting married to Sagara-san."

"You were?"

"Hai, it means you are not going to make the same mistake that Kenshin and I made all those years ago. And I came here because I wanted to let you know… that Kenshin never stopped loving you. Never. And I hope that you will consider giving him a second chance." Pausing, she leaned forward to hug the smaller woman to her. "It was nice getting to see you again, Kaoru-san. I hope you will not forget to invite me again, if the situation ever calls for it."

Kaoru watched as the woman walked away, observing the interactions between her and the man waiting. Smiling when he willingly opened the car door for her and helped her in, Kaoru waved as they drove off. It was the same. They looked at each other the same way her friends looked at their loved ones. The same way she had always looked at Kenshin.

x

Kenshin lay on his back, the cushion of his bed underneath him. With arms crossed behind his head, he stared unseeing at the ceiling above him.

The wedding had been called off. A mutual agreement between Kaoru and Sano. And though they still lived in the same house - a necessity since Kaoru didn't really have anywhere else to go just yet - Sano said Kaoru voluntarily slept on the couch.

Of course, since there was no wedding to go to anymore, Kenshin realized there was no reason for him to stay. But his father had almost demanded it, and Kenshin himself didn't really feel like leaving. He missed his hometown, more than he had realized, and the longer he was there, the more he thought about moving back. There was really nothing keeping him in Tokyo. Not since his divorce, since Tomoe was the one who had wanted to move there. And even though his job was there… he could always find something here. As long as it paid the bills, he really didn't care.

And besides, all of his friends were here, and he missed them all. Missed all of the times they had shared together. All of the laughs and all of the trouble. He missed everything. And yes… he missed Kaoru. Missed her the most. And even though there was no way of knowing what would happen in the future, he didn't mind, because he was beginning to realize that he would survive it either way. And if he had to settle for only friendship… that was better than nothing.

Feeling the bruises on his heart ease to a soft, almost affectionate ache, Kenshin sighed, letting his eyes slide closed. _Hell, maybe I'll put all of that training to use and open up a dojo. That could be interesting._

Two rapt knocks popped against the wood of his door, snapping his eyes open and turning his head curiously to see what his father needed. Laying spread out in nothing but a pair of boxers and an old t-shirt, he nearly jumped out of his skin when it was a feminine voice that echoed through his room.

"Are you decent in there, or am I going to be embarrassed?" Blue eyes peeked through the crack, their depths smiling and playful.

"K-kaoru…?"

"Geeze, you're barely dressed Kenshin." Pushing aside the door and letting herself in, Kaoru waltzed over to his closet and made herself at home digging through his travel bag. "I know you've got to have something decent in here. Aha!" Coming up with jeans and nice dress shirt, she threw them on his bed next to him and helpfully began striping him out of the shirt he had on.

"What the hell are doing!"

"Well, you don't seem too inclined to do much more than stare, and I'm hungry. And if you don't get ready fast enough we won't have enough time to eat before the movie starts." Stepping back and placing her hands on her hips, she pursed her lips and frowned at him. "And I've been waiting for this one to come out in theaters, so I'll never forgive you if we miss it."

"You're taking me to a movie?" Still slightly dazed, Kenshin found that his brain was not catching up as quick as Kaoru was wanting it too.

"Yeah, I had planned on paying for the movie tickets, but that means you're paying for the food. I'm not made of money, ya know."

Hopping into his jeans, Kenshin looked up at her seemingly irritated features, noticing in awe that her eyes were gleaming with laughter. Smiling, he buttoned his pants and pulled his shirt quickly over his head. "How much time do we have?"

"A little over an hour, so hurry up." Hand locking around his wrist, Kaoru drug him from his room and down the stairs. "See ya later, Hiko-sama! I promise I'll have him back before midnight!"

"You make sure you do! I don't want to wake up to giggling at four in the morning!"

"Maa, maa…" Waving her hand, she grinned and pulled open the front door, Kenshin in tow behind her.

Laughing helplessly, Kenshin cast a look to his father, his smile widening at the amusement plain on his features. The unmistakable show of happiness. _Tousan always did approve of Kaoru._

x

A/N: Well, hope you liked it, and it wasn't too confusing. Like I said, this was pretty much me sitting down with my laptop and typing out whatever came into my head. So, yeah it's pretty fast paced, and not much of a transition between sections, but I just wanted it out of my head so I could work on my other stories. Like A Mother's Love… since I only have about two or three pages left on the next chapter. Well… tell me what you thought, please.


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